This is sarcastic description of an all too typical customer service call by what could be one of YOUR customers. Hopefully your small business doesn't treat customers this way. Do you??
"Thank you for calling .... Customers are Scumbags, our single human is off having a coffee at the moment but your call is important to us.
Please listen to the following menu carefully as number options have changed.
Press one to be given five options none of which meet your requirements.
Press two for a permanent ringing tone.
Press three for the voicemail of the guy that left last week
Press four to have your life placed on hold whilst listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons.
Press five in order to hear your account balance including charges for our shoddy service levels.
Press six for a one in five chance of speaking to someone that knows half of what's needed and will therefore transfer you to the main switchboard number that you just dialed.
Press seven to hear our Chairman's Message of shareholder gains at your expense.
Press eight to be disconnected for absolutely no reason .
Press nine out of sheer and total desperation if you want to.
Press # to replay this menu!"